Instead of Time-Out, Try a Time-In




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Home > Welcome > Parent Resources > Learning at Home	Print View

Instead of Time-Out, Try a Time-In
Most of us have used time-outs for misbehavior. Sometimes we find it just doesn't work and give up on it. Try the "time-in" strategy - it is a positive discipline approach to help children become responsible for their own behavior. It works best for children between two and twelve.

Time-In Has Four Pieces:

1) ASK - Asking encourages a child to think. Ask questions your child can answer. Ask clearly and without being critical. Ask question that teach the lesson you want your child to learn. Examples: Do you remember the rule? Why do we have that rule?

2) ACT - Act when it will be more helpful than asking. Act when your child is doing something unsafe. Use ways of acting that challenge your child to think and be responsible. Acting is most likely to work best with toddlers not ready for asking, amending or attending. Examples: During a tantrum with a toddler, sit on the floor beside the child and repeat in a gentle voice, "You are okay."

3) ATTEND - Attend means to pay attention to the situation and then deciding what to do. It means paying attention to your own behavior and feelings as well as your child's. It also means that by paying attention to the positive behavior you want your child to have, the negative behavior will decrease.

4) AMEND - Making amends helps children learn to fix their mistakes. Amends are generally used for serious behavior. Start by asking your child "How can you fix this? Younger children may need suggestions. Older children need to figure out how to make amends on their own. Making amends should be specific to the misbehavior and age-appropriate. It is ok is the child experiences some discomfort, but the point is not to cause shame or pain. Example: A child has a temper tantrum and spills her plate of food on the floor. Making amends may mean cleaning up their mess and mopping the floor.

adapted from "Time-In: When Time-Out Doesn't Work" by Jean Illsley Clar, Parenting Press, 1999.

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